To be clear, I am not for violence, but I do understand the riots of the unheard. I received a call from a friend who called to check on me and the kids because we live in Atlanta. She lives up north. She and relatives out west call to check on me when they get word of the KKK protesting nearby and as of recent, with the riot in downtown Atlanta. I assured her that we are safe. Am I okay though? No. I have black friends, black brothers and sisters in Christ, black co-workers, and a black sister in law, a niece and nephews. I am not okay. I am on edge. Feeling like I should be doing more. I have watched way too much footage, but then again, at this point, I do not feel there is any such thing. I don't want to forget the pain that is filling our nation. I want to feel it. I overheard a man at the gas pump make the comment, "Oh, this shall pass." Wrong! This will not pass. It will keep happening over and over and over again if something does not change.
I do not know what it feels like to be choked, beat to a pulp or shot at, but I know well how it feels to be assaulted. You feel scared, ashamed, stripped, robbed and alone. Plagued by nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks, anxiety, unpleasant memories and constant triggers. You feel small and worthless. The world doesn’t feel safe anymore. You no longer trust. You question your judgment and sometimes your self-worth. You may blame yourself for what happened or believe that you are “dirty”. Relationships feel dangerous, intimacy impossible. The list goes on and on. I imagine, if I were in a place where I did not feel heard or that my voice, my story did not matter or that I felt no support or understanding I may very well burst. I have watched and listened to my Pastor, Léonce B. Crump Jr. on WSB Radio with Chris Burns sharing his testimony and that he has been pulled over by police many, many times in his life. I have dear friends of color who have shared their stories about them being arrested, but not their white friends for just hanging out, being loud and talking smack or for walking in the "wrong" neighborhood. When I was a teenager, I was questioned for being at a convenience store in Clarkston, GA because the neighborhood was predominately black. It was my neighborhood. Even so, I was told to go home. It hurts to remember. It hurts to hear. But, it is important. It needs to be talked about. I want to know more. I want to understand more. I want to feel the pain. I want to support. Pray. Cry. Hug my brothers and sisters (damn COVID-19). Tell them it will be okay. Tell my kids it will be okay.
Right now, in Marietta, GA there is a silent protest. I came close to going. To pray and to photograph, but didn't because my baby girl asked me not to out of fear. (I am a single mama and need to come home at the end of the day.) So, here I sit blogging away. I am a Christian and feel the Lord gave us a voice for a reason. And, it's not to be silent. Silent in prayer is one thing. Silent in protest, sure. But, we must keep talking and sharing. We must demand change. Brothers and sisters, I am praying. I am here for you. I am listening. The more we share, the more we listen, we cry, we hurt, and feel the pain for each other and together, the better of a chance we have to grow and change. I want this for us. For our kids and their kids. For their grandkids and future generations to come. My heart is broken, but I am not hopeless. I leave you with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr's words on what America has failed to hear.
"I think America must see that riots do not develop out of thin air. Certain conditions continue to exist in our society which must be condemned as vigorously as we condemn riots. But in the final analysis, a riot is the language of the unheard.
And what is it that America has failed to hear?
It has failed to hear that the plight of the Negro poor has worsened over the last few years.
It has failed to hear that the promises of freedom and justice have not been met. And it has failed to hear that large segments of white society are more concerned about tranquility and the status quo than about justice, equality, and humanity.
And so in a real sense our nation’s summers of riots are caused by our nation’s winters of delay.
And as long as America postpones justice, we stand in the position of having these recurrences of violence and riots over and over again. Social justice and progress are the absolute guarantors of riot prevention.”
- Martin Luther King, Jr.